Disneyland Paris – A Dad’s Review

So we have been back from Disneyland Paris for three weeks near enough now and I finally have the time to sit down and write something.  As the Jam-eater has pretty much been on her best and most normal behaviour this has left me nothing to write about apart from Disneyland Paris itself.

The thing is though, even if you haven’t been or you have been several times, you don’t need me to tell you that it is fucking awesome!  There is nothing about Disney that ever disappoints and I don’t know why I was expecting there to be something to let it down, even ‘Le Shithouses’ were cleaner than a cats arsehole.  So as you may expect Flo loved it, Emma loved it and I loved it – even to the point I went full soppy bollocks and got a lump in my throat when the Jam-Eater met her favourite Disney Princess.  Luckily such emotional outbursts were few and far between which is odd considering it’s the only thing you aren’t charged for in Disneyland.

So apart from the joy and happiness that engulfed our little family for our five day visit there were other emotions creeping in towards the end of the holiday and possibly subliminal messages from a certain ride, here’s some other points about Disney that you won’t find on Trip Advisor.

 

1. You will instantly despise other people’s children for at least 5 days after your return.

 

2. The ‘It’s a small world’ tune from the ride of the same name will NEVER leave you, in fact it may contain a subliminal message that makes you kill several years later.

 

3. Upon your return you will be surprised for at least a week afterwards that a sandwich won’t cost you £16.99 in Greggs.

 

4. You may well chance upon Noel Edmonds while walking around Frontierland and convince your child that he is called ‘Uncle Noel’ (ok, maybe that was just me)

 

5. You become so accustomed to having the best, most super helpful staff everywhere that your next visit to Lidl is a massive fucking comedown to be honest and you just want to cry in a corner and take your family back to the happiest place on earth….(again, just me)

 

6. You return home and instantly price up Disney USA for your next holiday.

 

7. Divorce Lawyers would make a boom in profits if they went mobile and approached parents on the Eurostar home. If looks could kill on that train….

 

8. That trip we have booked in for Light water Valley in September is just not going to cut the mustard

 

Again I would massively encourage anyone lucky enough to get the opportunity to go to Disneyland Paris do so without a second thought, as a family we work some pretty shitty shifts and this little break away was the perfect holiday for bringing us closer together than we already were.  I am also currently looking for anyone who knows a good psychiatrist to help get the bastard ‘It’s a small world theme out of my head’ – if I ever get convicted of a crime I WILL be blaming it on that song.