Its hard not to give into kids when they are sick, I’m a soft touch at the best of times but when the Jam-eater was ill recently I think both Emma and I softened on a few rules we have around the house. We are fortunate Flo is not a sickly child and this was her first time at being ill without the usual cold or sickness and she managed to get Hand, Foot and Mouth which has lasted the best part of a fortnight.
It’s a bloody awful thing and Flo had so many scabs and sores on her lips she looked like a toddler version of a meth addict. Thankfully the only thing she is addicted to is Babybels, Strawberries and YouTube for Kids. The point of this post refers to the latter and links back to a post I had written back in March which you can read here if you would like to.
As mentioned we slackened a few rules we have due to Flo being ill and generally laid around feeling sorry for herself, the main rule was the amount of time she could spend on kiddies YouTube. My sentiment towards this app hasn’t changed any and it is still infuriating listening to grown American men and women pretending to be kids with their stupid fake high pitched voices and opening kinder eggs, easter eggs or whichever toys were sent to them to promote online. In her calpol induced haze she would watch these videos and, as parents, we thought we were being nice to her to help aid her recovery, truth be told we created a monster.
I recently read an article about a Teenager who suffered a head injury in a football match and ended up in a coma, three weeks later he woke up speaking fluent Spanish and unable to speak English again for several weeks. Luckily no coma here, however the Jam-eater has started using the American words which has subconsciously leaked into her vocabulary from listening to the whiny voices of the hyperactive American Fuckwits on YouTube. (apologies to readers in America, you’ve had a bad enough week as it is)
Now don’t get me wrong I am a big fan of American Sports and Music, however it’s a little different when we have a three-year-old who is now describing her lunch as ‘awesome’, her Play Doh as ‘Oh thats soooo Cool’ and asking Emma for a Soda amongst others. I’m just waiting for the Jam-eater to request Emma to ‘cook some motherfucking grits’ for breakfast over the next few days, although maybe I am secretly wishing for that to happen.(Yes I am!)
Flo has recovered now from her sickly spell and apart from the times she sounds like she is from California or she is singing The Star Spangled Banner, I think we have our little girl back. Oh no! Will I have to change her name to the Jelly-eater instead of the Jam-eater?