Hello everybody, we’re back!
I decided to take a little break as we had a bit of a busy time at the start of the month with sickness bugs flying around, work and spending time as a family so I planned to knock the writing on the head for a couple of weeks which turned into about six weeks, oops! If its any consolation, I have missed you all dearly though.
A sickness bug swept through the AKA Daddy household and it was typical that it was Flo that dealt with it the best, how the hell do kids do that? One second she is blowing chunks all over her dolly and duvet and the next she is asking if she can play with her toys or read a book as if the vomiting didn’t even happen. Myself on the other hand was sprawled across the bathroom floor sweating, retching and desperately feeling sorry for myself. The last thing I wanted to do was even talk to anyone let alone stick a game of Fifa on. The resilience of toddlers is a magnificent thing it really is.
So what’s new? Not much really to be honest just the usual day to day stuff. The Jam-eater is slowly getting more sarcastic and funnier with every passing day which is great as long as I’m not on the receiving end of it, she may be three but she has got some skills when it comes to delivering a put down or two, she can even deliver a killer put down or an equally patronising retort just by rolling her eyes lately.
At least public embarrassment has been at a minimum with Flo of late too which is probably why writing for this blog has become so barren of late. I have been assured by many parents that this is just a lull and it is to lure me into a false sense of security and public humiliation will soon be restored, just because I have said it has been at a minimum isn’t to say that it hasn’t happened though and as usual it was toilet related.
The joy of a toilet trained toddler means that I could pretty much write a Trip Advisor equivalent of public toilets in shops and cafés in the County Durham area, in its infancy this idea is going to be called ‘Toilet Trip Advisor’ but more puerile name ideas are welcomed. For the record ‘The Fat Hippo’ in Durham is the current and inaugural champion to date. Anyway I digress.
Flo and I went for a coffee to Starbucks in Darlington and as usual the Jam-eater turned into her usual toilet going alter ego ‘Six Piss Sally’ while I was trying to enjoy our Daddy Daughter date. After numerous trips I decided I needed to spend a penny, so after Flo had done her business I told her to hold on and wait while I went. Just as I was mid flow I heard the worst noise possible, this was Flo lifting the lock, opening the door and loudly bursting out into the busy Starbucks. As this toilet is right next to the counter this pretty much guaranteed eight or nine people staring at the hyperactive toddler legging it out of the toilets and then looking up to notice myself trying to finish off what could have been a lengthy wee and also trying to preserve some dignity. I don’t think I managed to preserve anything to be honest and the only saving grace was that I didn’t decide to ‘drop the kids off at the pool’ as the lady staring at me and holding her chocolate cake may have lost her appetite pretty quickly.
Funnily enough we now frequent Café Nero for Daddy Daughter dates, they have a much better locking mechanism on the doors and have a higher ranking on ‘Toilet Trip Advisor’.
Air Pee & Pee is the new name for Toilet trip advisor. Thanks to Glen Ocsko for the names!