Jam Eater AKA Slytherin

We shall start with some good news, the Jam-eater has now gotten over her brief fear of having a poo, hurrah!  I know it might not sound like a major milestone but it has made life so much easier.  She is now happily knocking out more logs than a Lumberjack at the minute and all of them landing in the toilet as opposed to her pants.  It also means I don’t have to gag and cackle anymore while removing a warm piece of shit from her arse before breakfast first thing on a morning.


However, as is the norm with toddlers one piece of random behaviour is replaced with another and we have waived bye bye to ‘Poo-gate’ and said hello to Florence the Parcelmouth.  This latest phase usually happens around 6am in the morning when the Jam-eater wanders around upstairs sounding like she is talking to snakes in the language of Parseltongue.


For anyone who is unfamiliar with Harry Potter (shame on you) Parseltongue is a language used mainly by dark wizards which when spoken sounds like a hissing sound, similar to that of a snake; as such, normal people cannot understand it.  In the books and films Potter and Voldemort uses this language to speak to serpents and the like.


In the books and films it’s just one of those things, but when your half asleep just popped out of a dream and your child is walking around as if she is speaking to snakes it can be a tad unsettling.  The thing is, it’s not as if she is whispering something like ‘can I get up now?’ or ‘can I have some breakfast?’ she is just wandering around whispering away contently to herself, probably talking to her new imaginary friend called ‘Jommy’.  More on this new friendship as we understand it.


This snakey outburst usually lasts a couple of minutes before you hear a coy ‘Mammy’ or ‘Daddy’ and the next thing you know she is slithering (see what I did there?) into bed next to you.  She never talks like that again through the day, just on the morning.


Its now pretty funny to hear her on the mornings making conversation with herself, however I think Emma and I are just disappointed she doesn’t want to be in Gryffindor.




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