The New Alarm Clock

We have had it really lucky with the Jam-eater when it comes to sleeping on a night. Granted we don’t get the bumper amount of sleep we were used to but Flo, for the last two years, has generally slept from 7pm to 7am. She has the odd grumble through the night but nothing major. Oh boy how that has changed abruptly lately.

You may remember that I wrote about how we moved Flo from the cot to a bed, this has been fine up until about two weeks ago when the Jam-eaters body clock has decided that 5.51am is the perfect time for her to wake up. Why 5.51am I have no idea but it’s shit, in fact if the British public were chosen to name it, the name would probably be ‘Shitty McShitface’. It’s not as if she’s even groggy when she wakes up, she’s full on hyper and has eyes like Bez out of the Happy Mondays.  

To make life a little easier we decided to leave the baby gate open so she doesn’t just stand at the gate kicking of like a local drunk who’s hanging around outside the doors of the local Wetherspoons trying to get let in after she’s been barred. The morning starts with our new alarm clock noise of Flo’s heavy breathing and tiny feet shuffling across the landing at bang on 5.51am. Next thing, you hear her poke her bed head ridden head around the corner as she decides which parent to torment. Usually if Emma’s at work she will just ask me questions for the next 15 minutes ‘what are you doing daddy?’ is the favourite. ‘Fucking sleeping, what’s it look like’ would be my ideal response but usually it’s just a mumbled ‘Sleeping sweetheart, why aren’t you?’ 

She’ll then crawl into bed all cutesy before the question she’s been dying to ask all along ‘Can I watch Dora on your phone?’. I don’t believe in letting the iPad babysit the Jam-eater but, if at this stupidly early time of day she decides she wants to watch it, what the hell. Don’t judge us.  

The other day after Emma and I were both caught yawning, Flo came out with the line ‘I’m a bit tired’. It’s at this point that myself and Emma both bit our lips so hard the teeth impressions are probably still there. Again this is where you want to reply ‘why do you think that is you little shit’ but again we resist and just go ‘oh well you should have slept longer’ 

As a side note we bought one of those Gro-Clock things which turn yellow to inform the child it’s time to get up. This worked brilliantly for two weeks when we got it and I thought it was the greatest invention ever. I now think that it is as much use as tits on a fish. (I may even put this paragraph on Amazon). 

Currently our next lie in scheduled for some point in June/ July 2019  

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4 thoughts on “The New Alarm Clock

  1. Wait until you reach the school years. That is when you will spend the weekdays yelling at children to get out of bed and get washed, dressed, breakfasted and ready (I pretty much yell for at least an hour each morning) and then on the weekend the little buggers get up before the larks and have to loudly pronounce the fact to all and sundry or else move around the house wearing concrete flip flops so that there is zero risk of a lie in let alone a sleep in.

    Liked by 1 person

  2. it’s funny how accurate their body clocks can be. Mind you, 5.51am would be a lie in for us, neither of my two sleep through and my eldest is 4.5 and then are both up with the birds. I actually think we should trade for a few nights, I’ll have Flo and you can have my two angels…the Jam Eater sounds pretty good to me!

    Liked by 1 person

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