Its 9pm Thursday May 19th 2016 and Emma and I are laid on the couch exhausted, broken and thankful for the peace and quiet we now have. Both of us are dreaming of the large bottle of gin in the kitchen but both of us are too tired to move to grab it and make a drink. What could possibly do this to two adults in their early thirties, the answer? The Jam-eater’s third birthday.
Today started off nice and calm as a bed-head ridden Flo swaggered, with the gusto of Liam Gallagher, into our bedroom due to us leaving the baby gate in her bedroom open. To be fair, we might have to start doing this more often as she’s taken the hump with us closing it and this has cumulated with her shouting to Emma ‘You’ve trapped me in my room. Now, that’s not nice!’. We may do this before she learns how to dial Childline and decides to tell them that we have taken her hostage. She then remembered it was her birthday, so we were quickly whisked downstairs for presents.
The whole present thing was pleasant compared to Christmas where every present was preceded with a chorus of ‘Oooooh what can this be?’, we now had the line ‘looooooooook at it’ instead. This was also a much swifter affair and the quick 20 minutes of present opening was followed by two hours of getting the bloody presents out of the boxes. Seriously toy manufacturers, do I really need scissors, screwdrivers, knives, a degree and a fuc**ng rocket launcher to get the toys out of the box for Flo to play with.
After we made it out of the house we had a lovely day at the seaside including Fish, Chips and Ice-Cream, after this we decided to pop into Toys R Us to let the Jam-eater choose a present with her birthday money. At this point the sea air had tired out Emma and I but Flo, after a 20 minute nap, was zooming around the shop like she had been double dropping blue smarties and also had 30 fireworks set off up her arse. Not even Marvel and Star Wars Lego could save this trip for me, however a Peppa Pig Ice Cream van eventually bought us our freedom.
After we returned home it was time for a little family tea party to celebrate Flo’s name day (sorry, I really am obsessed with Game Of Thrones). This is where you relax, eat and drink and don’t even consider the fact that you need to get a sugar fueled toddler to bed and clean the house up after everyone has left.
Fast forward two hours and you have two broken parents on the sofa dreaming of gin and watching 24 hours in police custody. It has certainly been a day of laughs and giggles and I wouldn’t have changed it for the world, this is one of the two days of the year when its worth being this tired (Christmas being the other).
I’ll leave you with a ‘Beauty and the Beast’ situation from today. The ‘Beauty’ part is some awesome and super tasty Doc McStuffin cupcakes (below) made by a work colleague, if you’re around the Darlington area you really should get some cakes from her and visit her Facebook page here.
The ‘Beast’ part came from my best friends ‘Crap Wrap’ which has now become his trademark on Flo’s gifts (notice the ingenious use of electrical tape). I’m still convinced he is just ultimately shit at wrapping presents.
Happy 3rd Birthday Jam-eater!