I have a job where it pays to have a pretty thick skin at times, I also have ginger facial hair so I’m never short of a crude comment or two. Thing is, most people’s comments and jibes are said to my face so it’s not much of a problem. This week though, I caught someone close to me talking behind my back to her friends. The person in question…the Jam-eater!
A couple of Flo’s bedtimes last week weren’t particularly smooth sailing. Flo has an incredible knack of falling asleep for between 3-6 minutes in the car, this then becomes the equivalent of 9 hours sleep. This means that bedtimes on these occassions are about as much fun as a fart in a spacesuit.
The other night Emma went off to work, kissed us both goodbye and, as it was bedtime, I turned to the Jam-eater and said ‘C’mon Flo time for bed’. Honestly, I may as well have shit on her toys, set them all on fire AND put the fire out by pissing all over them, judging by her whiney response.
Anyway, after fannying about with the ‘Queen of Stalls’ for 30 minutes or so, she was all ready for bed and tucked up with her toys. She still wasn’t fancying the idea of sleep even though she was exhausted; so I left her to it and went downstairs. As I was pottering about I could hear Flo chatting to her toys, usually when she does this she’s just talking nonsense as toddlers do. This time it was worse, it was about me! In between spells of shouting downstairs asking me to come back up to sit with her, she was bad mouthing me to her toys!
Among others, here are the main two comments I could make out clearly. God only knows what else she was saying and its probably best I don’t know.
‘Yes, I know. Daddy will come back up if I cry, he always does’
‘If Daddy tells me he cant come upstairs I will tell him to shut up’
I was wounded. It was like she was starring in her own version of Mean Girls with this new gang she seems to have joined who I’m now calling ‘The Twatty Toys’. I think Flo has just fallen in with the wrong crowd though.
Her partners in crime in this instance are Doc McStuffins, Skye from Paw Patrol and her Lalaloopsy doll ‘Candy Cane’. In case you’re not familiar with these characters I have included a picture of this gallery of rogues below, they might look like butter wouldn’t melt but obviously I need to get a toy cauldron to go with the three little witches.
If this is what its like with her plastic and fluffy toys, I don’t want her to start school…ever. Imagine what it’s going to be like when she’s older and knows swear words. The Jam-eater has a great imagination and the games she plays with her little toy figures through the day have now progressed to her bedtime toys. Nothing wrong with that I know, I was just massively surprised she was slagging me off to her ‘mates’ upstairs.
I’m not one to hold a grudge but I’ve taken action against ‘The Twatty Toys’. Doc McStuffins will be getting Waterboarded at bathtime as I believe she is the ringleader. Skye the Paw Patrol Puppy is now in isolation (well, the bottom of the wardrobe) and ‘Candy Cane’ is nursing an injury after a tumble down the stairs. What?! She slipped…
The funny thing was a day later Flo was telling Emma that ‘Daddy is my favourite thing ever’, that kid has more faces than the town clock – and they’re all as bloody cute as each other!