A Nursery Rhyme Of Ice And Fire

I was sat watching Game Of Thrones on Monday night (ooooh that ending!) and you can’t really argue that it’s the most popular programme in the world at the moment for grown ups. Then I started wondering what a children’s version would be like, this interest was peaked by a reimagining of the opening sequence by Ben and Holly’s Magic Kindgom. You can watch the closest we will ever get to these two worlds colliding here

Below are four of the major characters from Game of Thrones and the four possible kids characters that could play them. 

Daddy Pig / King Robert Baratheon

 One of the above is famous for sleeping around, drinking his weight in wine and fathering several illegitimate bastard children, the other is King Robert from Game Of Thrones.  I joke of course.  

Daddy Pig is always the butt of Mammy Pigs jokes and does well to hold it together throughout the taunts about him being fat and useless.  King Robert doesn’t muck about and just beheads the plebs.

Robert Baratheon: Your mother was a dumb whore with a fat ass, did you know that?

Daddy Pig: I don’t have a special box. But I know a very good place to hide my custard doughnut.

 Nanny Plum / Melisandre 

Nanny Plum is the sharp tongued and often misunderstood fairy from Ben and Holly’s Magic Kingdom.  She would be a perfect fit for Game Of Thrones resident Witch.

She attracts the men, she has obvious sexual tension with the Wise Old Elf and she isn’t shy in her flirty ways while wielding her fairy magic. The only problem with Nanny Plum is that she hasn’t produced a ghostly assassin from her front bum and she doesn’t walk around the Magic Kingdom, like Melisandre does, with her tits hanging out.  Maybe not such a good fit after all. 

Nanny Plum: ‘Won’t it be boring for you, Princess Holly? Watching a lot of sweaty little elves running about?’

Melisandre:Death is coming for everyone and everything … a darkness that will swallow the dawn’

Errrrrr…maybe tone it down a bit for the kids dear. 

George Pig / Danearys Targarean

Both of these characters are keepers of mythical beasts.  Daenerys has a clutch of Dragons, and George a large green dinosaur.  

I think this is where the comparison will end for these two to be fair.  Daenerys spent the first two seasons of Game Of Throne getting shagged all over by a Dothraki King, eating hearts from dead horses and making her way in the world as the ‘Mother of Dragons’. George just walks around the place whining like a little bitch, playing with his best friend from the Jurassic period. 

Daenerys Targaryen: I am Daenerys Stormborn of House Targaryen, of the blood of Old Valyeria. I am the dragon’s daughter, and I swear to you that those who would harm you will die screaming

George Pig: Oink! Oink!

Joffrey Baratheon / Norman Price

Norman price from Fireman Sam is a little shit and deserves so much more than a finger waggle of a telling off from his mother, Dilys. This kid deserves a good kicking from his peers and honestly should have been locked up in a Young Offenders Institute by now. One episode he set fire to a building, he’s a fu**king pyromaniac and I have a severe distaste for him.

Joffrey has killed his future wife’s Dad, made her look at his head on a spike, killed a whore with a crossbow, ordered mass executions , ran away from battle and belittled everyone he ever met. You know what, I hold Norman and Joffrey on the same level, perhaps Bronn the sell-sword( 50% of pop duo Robson and Jerome) was right ‘There is no cure for being a c**t’. 

Norman: Jingle bells, Dusty smells, Norman’s on his way!

Joffrey: Everyone is mine to torment! You’d do well to remember that, you little monster. 

I’m sure there are loads of characters I could of used but I didn’t want to end up with a 20,000 word post. If you have any more comparisons please add them to the comments, would be great to hear from you all. 


11 thoughts on “A Nursery Rhyme Of Ice And Fire

  1. Ser Jorah Mormont/PC Plum from Balamory

    Both are slightly bumbling men who, according to their titles, are representatives of a larger and respected establishment but who rarely show themselves to be anything other than fools. Both also have barely contained sexual urgings for the women in their lives; Miss Hooley better watch out.

    Liked by 1 person

  2. Stannis Baratheon/Captain Hook

    Both are enthralled by magical women in Melisandre and Tinkerbell respectively – while the latter is ostensibly on the other side, you know that they both have a grudging respect for each other and would team up if circumstances required it. Tink is only with Peter after all as he’s obviously the strongest fighter in NeverLand – watch her run to the Cap’n the minute little green tights skips town.

    Both also have at their cores the belief that they should be in charge and therefore have a lust after power over all others, willing to sacrifice anything in their pursuit of it, be that a seemingly endless supply of pirates or even their own kin.

    Snazzy wardrobes too.

    Liked by 1 person

  3. Ha ha! Great fantasy casting. My husband despises Peppa Pig because of its depiction of Daddy Pig. Projecting much? I actually could not let my kids watch Fireman Sam because I hated that little twazzock Norman Price so much.

    Liked by 1 person

  4. These are fantastic comparisons! I only know Norman from my own childhood, but am a big fan of GoT so thoroughly enjoyed reading the parallels which you put before us so well! I’m going to be watching out for more nursery rhyme characters that could easily take the place of their GoT counterparts! Xx

    Tania | When Tania Talks

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Thank you very much! Others I was about to use was Bran Stark and Humpty Dumpty and The White Walker King and Olaf from Frozen. Just didn’t have the words to back them up 🙂


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