It’s Yeezy Being A Toddler

Quick question. Are Toddlers arseholes?

Before I start, just to be clear, I’m not calling the Jam-eater an arsehole.  I don’t think I have ever called anybody else’s kid an arsehole for that matter, it’s just an expression of ignorant behaviour. 

Well actually that’s a lie, I’m pretty sure I’ve called toddlers arseholes before at soft play areas, I HATE soft play areas,  they bring the worst out in toddlers and in their protective dads.  Anyway I digress.

I mean, toddlers aren’t arseholes its just the lack of knowledge, education and manners that gives you that perception.  If a 38-year-old man decided to act like a toddler then he would certainly be an arsehole.  Does that person exist…well yes…Kanye West.

Shit singing, a failure to see the funny side of things, it appears he has to be dressed by someone else and mostly always interrupts adults for attention.  These are all things that Flo does yet she is a toddler and doesn’t know any better.   The next time Flo has a meltdown I’m going to class it as going ‘Full Kanye’, and you should never go ‘Full Kanye’

 The below picture came out this week and think it shows two things. The first, is that Yeezy (that’s his nickname, I’m right down with the kids aren’t I?) doesn’t have a clue about much and as one guy  on the internet states ‘It looks like Kanye is off to Tarmac the M6’.  The other is that this could quite easily be a family photo anywhere in the world where the Toddler has decided what he/she wants to wear and they WILL wear it.  The parents obviously caved for an easy life.

 Anyway, enough Kanye.

Heres a few examples of recent arsehole toddler behaviour that I have encountered from the Jam-eater.  

  • Shouting of me at 4am to sort her duvet, this involved moving it 14.6 cm back towards her. She was back to sleep in 2 minutes, it took me a further 45 minutes.
  • Not wanting to eat any of her lunch, even after asking her 6 times. She then wanted it 9 seconds after I had put it in the bin and then kicked off holy hell when I wouldn’t get it back out.
  • Wiping bogeys is a quick and painless activity. You wouldn’t think it however, judging by the noise that comes from her. Honestly, it can sometimes sound like you have pushed her over and are giving her a good kicking. 
  • Farting loudly in public.

I’ve decided that when Flo is 16 or 17 I am going to make sure I come back to this page and give the first and last example a go, but this time in reverse.  If I shout of her to come sort out my duvet at 4am, I am pretty sure she will call me an arsehole at least.  I also think she would do the same if I farted in public, but let’s be honest, she is my Daughter and by her very nature she is hardwired to find it hilarious.

It’s not the toddlers who should stop acting like arseholes because, frankly,  it’s their job and although they can wind you up and boil your piss, I wouldn’t have it any other way.  It’s the grown ups who act like toddlers who are the actual arseholes and they really should find a mirror and go and have a good long look at themselves.

Yes, im talking to you, Kanye. As an extra treat here is a picture I have found of Kanye West as a toddler. Your welcome. 


  He really is the gift that keeps on giving.  

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