Prisoner Bed Block H

We have decided to release the Jam-eater into the wild, to take her out of her Fort Knox, remove her shackles and give her the ultimate freedom (of her bedroom anyway). We have moved her from her cot to a real bed.  It’s kind of like moving her from solitary confinement to an open prison (we’re still leaving a babygate at the top of the stairs).  Her prison status will be reviewed in the near future, she can smell the freedom.


Flo has always been settled in her cot and as she is quite small she has had plenty of room. It’s never been a pressing matter to change sleeping arrangements, but the time has come and I took to YouTube to find out how to convert her cot into a bed as promised when we bought it.


Surprisingly it went well and the bad language remained at a minimum and I only said:


‘F**k’ x 3

‘Bo****ing, Ba****d of a Motherf***er’ x 2

‘Sh**’ (or sh** variant) x 24

‘C-bomb’ x 1


Flo really likes her new bed and getting her to bed wasn’t an issue as she looked forward to it all day. She hopped in and  went straight to sleep leaving Emma and I to watch Jurassic World with a pizza and a couple of beers.


21:58 – Touchdown


Well we expected it would happen, just not as bloody quick. The movie had finished (distinctly average of you want a review) and we were just chatting when we heard a bang from above. No noise followed however, so we legged it up stairs.  Luckily the soft mat I placed at the side of the bed did the trick and caught the Jam-eater, but her face, her face was brilliant.


I have not seen a face so shocked, silent and full of tears since the, now infamous, ‘Christmas Day Fart of 2010’.  I’m not saying too much but I may have produced a guff in the car so epic one Christmas, it almost led to Emma crashing through a local chip shop window. In my defence I had eaten two Christmas Dinners in the space of 5 hours.


Flo was recovered and reassured, then she asked if Emma would read her a story, so I slipped away downstairs and put the kettle on.  An hour later I popped up to the bathroom and poked my head in on the Jam-eater, I have to admit Emma did a sterling job of getting Flo back to bed as she was tucked in better than an old man’s waistline.


Flo wasn’t affected by the fall onto the deck last night either and slept soundly right through as normal.  Actually, saying that, she was walking around a local waterfall today chanting  ‘Cup of tea, Cup of tea, Cup of tea’. I have no idea either.


I’m hoping she was just wanting a cup of tea; however, I may need to google ‘concussion symptoms of a Jam-eater’ just to be on the safe side.



4 thoughts on “Prisoner Bed Block H

  1. All my kids had to move out of the cot into a bed (a single devan) fairly early as the cot was either needed for a new baby or the current occupant had become an escapologist and releasing them from the restrictions of the cot was safer than all the escapes. As such, we had a roll of plump pillows on the floor in a line to soften the thump of any sleepy tumbles out of bed. The few times a kid fell out, however, they would somehow manage to miss the pillows and still end up on the floor. Basically kids just do whatever it takes to disrupt us of an evening. Mine are now aged 6, 9, 10 and 12 and still regularly disrupt my evening.

    Liked by 1 person

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