‘A strain of flu/cold so powerful and serious it can only be matched by the Ebola Virus or The Plague. The virus breaks down the immune system 30 times harder than the usual flu virusband any Lemsip is powerless to defeat it. Only prayers and ‘likes’ on Facebook can save the infected. This virus is mostly laughed at by women who sadly can’t contract “Man Flu”’
Yep, I have succumbed to the above, please give me your sympathies and a #Prayforeddie hashtag. Ok, so its just a bit of a head cold, but I was feeling a bit shitty this morning and to pull myself around Emma suggested I have a bath in peace to try and sort myself out.
The bath was ran, music was playing and bubbles were at the ready, I am so butch right now. Truth be told, I would have had some candles and a glass of wine if it wasn’t 9.25am. Anyway, I managed about 12 minutes of peace before the dreaded four knocks and the words of doom crept under the bathroom door.
‘Whatchoo doing Daddy?’ The Jam-eater demanded.
‘Having a bath’ I replied, hoping beyond hope she would bugger off back downstairs to Emma.
‘I’m coming to see you now Daddy’ Flo shouts, giddy and playfully.
Oh shit! The door handle moved. A few manic giggles and the relaxation was ruined, Spotify was closed and the torture begins, quite literally.
Flo was playing in the bathroom splashing her hands in the bath and sink while chatting away with me. Who am I kidding?, It was lovely having a bit of playtime with Flo before I went to work.
Then, without warning I was transferred from the North East of England to Guantanamo Bay with two seconds of warning.
Apparently Flo’s latest game was to fill an empty Radox bottle and pour it back in the bath, fair enough. Now that’s not enough, she wants to pour it on me, next thing I know I am being waterboarded by a manically laughing Toddler.
I don’t know what secrets she was trying to get out of me but I wasn’t given anything away. She wont break me, not even with the effects of ‘Man Flu’ knocking the shit out of me.
Anyway the waterboarding was surprisingly helpful, it may not have been the peace and quiet I was after but it seems to have done the trick as the ‘Man Flu’ seems to be subsiding somewhat.
It will be only a matter of time before Flo gets a cold now with me spreading around the house. Don’t suppose the same methods are allowed to help clear her cold up are they?