Jam-Eater: Year 2076

Today I had a brief vision into the future thanks to a shitty toy that came free attached to the front of a comic/sticker book bought for £2.99. Who needs a TARDIS, just rock up to aisle six in Morrisons, get your free lump of plastic and let your child’s imagination take control.  Honestly, Gallifrey, you’ve been doing it all wrong.


Our plans for the day were for a quick walk into town to pick a few things up.  We got dressed and Flo wanted to take a bag into town with her, not unusual as she owns about 90 of the bloody things.  She settled on her purple Frozen bag and decided she wanted to take her comic freebies with her.  These were a Ben & Holly phone which is just a lump of cheap chinese plastic, a fake Ben & Holly credit card and some plastic gold coins.  Job done, lets go.


As we entered the park, about half way into town, she abruptly stopped and looked vacantly, pretty much like a sloppy poo had dropped into her nappy and she wasn’t overly keen about it.  ‘My phones ringing Daddy!’ she exclaims as she roots around her bag. It was at that moment I was catapulted forward in time to see ‘Teenage Florence’ (Picture Below) as she roused her self into full conversation with whoever was calling her.



‘yeah, hiya, I’m in park, yeah, ok, ok, squirrel, going to the shops, with my daddy, ok, ok, yeah, yeah, yeah mammy at work, walking this way, oh ok I got my bag’


I have no idea what the hell she is saying to be honest or who she is saying it to, and so it continued for a few minutes until she said ‘See ya later’, flipped the phone closed, popped it back into the bag and strutted onwards.  We continued down to the shops where there were more a lot more people knocking about.  She stops again, states loudly ‘oh the phone again’ and off she delves into pocket to answer it.


This time though, another 60 years seem to have been added on to her judging by the conversation…


‘eeeeehh really? That’s funny, eeeeehhhh, at the shop now, daddy needs some bits, ok bye bye’


She then puts her phone back in her pocket and taps it three times, quite reassuringly, like an old lady would do.  Every time she pulled her phone out after this, or her toy credit card, she would tap her pockets or the bag several times when she put them back, exactly like an 80 year old lady called Florence would probably do.


Luckily after this brief soiree into the future we resorted back to 2016 where Flo proclaimed that she had  ‘Done massive poo poo Daddy’ while we were stood next to the haircare section in Boots.
Normal 2.9 year old business resumed.


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