This morning I walked into the living room with the Jameater’s breakfast of toast, on the specifically requested purple plate. It had Jam on, as requested, so nothing out of the ordinary there and all is fine in the world.
The look I was given though, was one of sheer and unbridled disgust. You would have honestly thought I’d shit in her sandpit, the look was so extreme. So what did I do so wrong? I had cut the toast into Squares.
Now don’t get me wrong, Flo is not a spoilt child and doesn’t get her own way like the little arseholes you see kicking about on daytime TV on ITV 2 or Sky Living. However, just because Emma cut the toast into triangles the day earlier, I am now on par with the Devil. Not even a Disney devil, I’m talking full blown ‘Tim Curry Devil’ out of legend.
For the ensuing ten minutes we argued that square toast tastes the same as triangular toast, I was about as popular as a piss flavoured lollipop.
Slowly Florence understood reason and we had a nice long chat that any toast, no matter what shape, tastes exactly the same. We went on to enjoy a lovely civil breakfast where we chatted about Mr Tumble and then she told me ‘I love you Daddy’….erm actually that’s not quite what happened.
I spat my dummy out, decided to prove a point by eating all the said square toast very quickly (which tastes exactly like bloody triangular toast for the record!!), I went and made her some alternative triangular toast which she ate smugly while watching Mr Tumble whilst I spent 15 minutes on Twitter sobbing silently into my phone.
One day I will have a small victory against her……